Sex on a song

I want to become this song. Or at least breathe it into myself so that it takes residence within my body. I think the closest I can come to this is to memorize the lyrics and make it mine. All mine. Maybe, it will suffuse my being with a hint of smoky sexiness. Magically, somehow, my widening girth and my forever discomfort with my body that is worsening by the day, will be transformed into something that will know passion. Perhaps it will chance upon me one day. Strong, silent, with depths that run deep, that will stir in response to me. Only me.

I want to say that Rangoon was a mess by Vishal Bharadwaj’s standards. But there were parts that held. I thought Kangana and Shahid were fantastic though they were let down by the direction. I found an erotic charge between them that I wish was exploited more fully. I did buy into their romance. Since their interviews and promotion interactions displayed an effort at keeping things cordial, I thought it a wonderful display of maturity at their craft as actors. I was surprised at Saif’s willingness to play this part, but not a gay character in Kapoor and Sons. He was my least favorite part of the film.

I want to wonder at failure and how Bombay Velvet and Rangoon both seemed to have seduced their makers so much that they lost their way. I can see why Rangoon is doomed more clearly than Bombay Velvet. Everything that is wrong with it is represented in the hammy climax. The nonsensical last scene of the film did not give it a chance on the tightrope of the box office.

I want to learn lessons. In being patient with myself and kinder about all my awkwardness and failures. I think sometimes watching accomplished craftspeople fail so publicly is nothing but an act of solidarity by the universe to demonstrate that everyone can mess up.

I want to fantasize. Julia with Nawab. Me with Nawab. About intimacy and closeness. About the pleasures of a body muscled and ripped. About stolen glances and kisses. And arms that leave you breathless with desire when they circle around you. About love. Both permitted and forbidden. About men in uniform who linger and think about me in their solitude. About biceps on which you want to trace invitations to things unspoken. About how badly I wanted to rip off Nawab’s clothes and peel the fabric away from his body while watching Rangoon.

I want to wonder. At Shahid Kapoor. How his genial likeability and the taken for grantedness of him always being around took me by surprise and turned to heartbreak that he was off the market on his wedding day. At how far he has come. At how much of a conformist and old fashioned traditionalist he is. At how he prefers the stability of a woman not from the film industry that is his profession. At how he wants to be with someone who will be willing to make a home for him her career. At how awareness of all this still does not act as a turn off at  him. Somewhere, I was half hoping that Priyanka and he would still end up together, but that was not to be.

I want to see more. More of Kangana Ranaut. I don’t know what the failure of Rangoon will do to her career. But, I hope her chutzpah will see her through. I don’t want her to fall flat. I want her gutsiness to bloom and for movies to be made that are written for her. She is a fantastic actress and a perfect delight to watch. I want to see her play the comic. I think she has a flair for comedy and I want to see her explore that genre more. I wish her longevity.

But, for the moment, it is this. This song. This intoxication that I want to own.

Yeh ishq hai

Sufi ke sulfe ki
Lau uth ke kehti hai
Aatish ye bujhke bhi
Jalti hi rehti hai

Yeh ishq hai, ye ishq hai

Sufi ke sulfe ki
Lau uth ke kehti hai
Aatish ye bujhke bhi
Jalti hi rehti hai
Yeh ishq hai, yeh ishq hai

Sahil pe sar rakhke
Dariya hai soya hai
Sadiyon se behta hai
Aankhon ne boya hain

Yeh ishq hai re, ye ishq hai
Yeh ishq hai re, ye ishq hai

Tanhayi dhunta hai
Parchaayi bunta hai
Resham si nazron ko
Aankhon se sunta hai

Yeh ishq hai, yeh ishq hai

Sufi ke sulfe ki
Lau utthi allah hu
Allah hu allah hu allah hu

Sufi ke sulfe ki
Lau utthi allah hu
Jalte hi rehna hai
Baki na main na tu

Yeh ishq hai, ye ishq hai
Bekhud se rehta hai
Yeh kaisa sufi hai
Jage toh Tabrizi
Bole toh Rumi hai

Yeh ishq hai, ye ishq hai
Yeh ishq hai..

Lyrics from here: http://www.lyricsted.com/yeh-ishq-hai-rangoon/#ixzz4aGx37yDp